Help for Concerned Parents of Children who use Alcohol and/or Other Drugs

Do you suspect your child is using ATOD?

One of the most difficult questions a parent can ask themselves is, “Does my child use drugs”?  It is something that no parent wants to believe, even defending their children in the face of overwhelming countering evidence.  Nonetheless, it is also something that is more prevalent than most parents will accept.  To be sure, studies show that many more teens report being offered drugs – and using them – than their parents are willing to believe.  The number of parents who thought their children had tried marijuana (20%) represented only one-half the number of teens who said they had actually tried it.  And just as a teenager retains the adolescent mindset throughout his or her years of development, the adult can’t seem to shake this cognitive impairment when it comes to their child using alcohol, tobacco, and/or other drugs (ATOD).   Many parents of nine to twelve year olds would be shocked to learn how plentiful – and often free – drugs are in their children’s world.  The average age at which teens start smoking tobacco is around 12.  The average age at which they start to drink alcohol is almost 13.  Finally, the average age they start to use marijuana is 14.  And it’s not just a handful of users, the so-called “bad kids”.  A recent study shows that 40% of tenth graders have tried marijuana.

Furthermore, drugs are being marketed to children at a younger age.  Just as advertisers use subtle tricks to sell cereal and toothpaste to an adolescent population, dealers and pushers are pawning off “new” and “exciting” drugs to this age group.  The idea is something that those in the advertising field refer to as “product loyalty”.  That is, the younger you can get a consumer to commit to a product, the more likely they are to use that product (and even related products) the rest of their life.  Since drugs have become more appealing, readily accessible, and easily administered, it is safe to say that kids today face even a more challenging developmental period than those children of the drug-saturated sixties.  Some examples:

      LSD, or acid, now comes on sheets with colorful designs or cartoon characters, such as Scooby Doo and Fred Flinstone;

·         Needles no longer deter youngsters from using heroin, as it is so pure now that it can be snorted;

·         Children are re-selling or giving away prescription drugs, such as Ritalin and Xanax, as party drugs;

·         Cigars (namely Philly blunts) are being split open, emptied of their tobacco, and filled with marijuana to provide a heftier toke;

·         Kids are using unusual drugs now to get high.  For instance, Ketamine (a.k.a., Special K, K, or Cat) is an animal tranquilizer that is snorted or smoked, and formaldehyde (which contains Phencyclidine, or PCP) is added to joints or cigarettes by dipping them in it;

·         Underground home laboratories for manufacturing methamphetamine (speed, crank, Ecstasy) have been popping up in unbelievable numbers;

·         All-night dance parties, called raves, are characterized by electronic music and drugs like methylendioxy amphetamine (a.k.a., MDMA, E, X, Ecstasy, or “rolls”) that help to keep them awake through the night.

As you can surely see now, the problem with children and their involvement and use of ATOD is bigger and more dangerous than what was once believed.  However, statements such as this are not uncommon:  “My child would never drink or use drugs”.  Not only is this statement blatantly false in a lot of cases, but it can also be a barrier standing in the way of treatment.  Indeed, if one truly believes their child doesn’t have a problem with ATOD, then why would they attempt to help them?  One of the first steps of overcoming addiction is the admission of a problem.  Therefore, it is of paramount importance that we not ignore some tell-tale signs of use and abuse.  The earlier a parent can detect these symptoms the better the chances of a successful intervention.  But be careful; the presence of one or more of these symptoms does not necessarily signal a drug or alcohol problem.  Conversely, if your child is displaying none of the warning signs, that does not automatically eliminate him or her from ATOD use.  If you are unsure of your child’s behavior and would like to discuss it, feel free to contact a professional in the drug and alcohol field.

Mifflin County: Clear Concepts Counseling  717-242-3070

Juniata County: Clear Concepts Counseling  717-436-9634

Huntingdon County: Mainstream Counseling  814-643-1114

Or call us at our toll free number  1-888-242-1446

Does your child seem to be changing?

Is he/she becoming more:

·         irritable

·         uncooperative

·         violent

·         depressed

·         apathetic

·         inactive

Are you finding it more difficult to communicate with your child?

Does your child refuse to talk about:

·         alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs

·         activities with friends

·         their personal life

·         how they are spending their free time

Does he/she become defensive when someone talks about the negative effects of ATOD?

Is he/she becoming less responsible about:

·         doing chores

·         coming home on time

·         personal hygiene/cleanliness

·         school attendance and performance

·         respecting authority

Has your child:

·         been in constant need of money

·         stolen money or property from family members

·         insisted that any drugs, alcohol, or paraphernalia you found belonged to someone else

·         had any problems retaining relationships

Has your child recently:

·         adopted the style of new friends whom he/she does not want to talk about

·         become less interested in school, sports, or other activities which used to be important

·         refused to go to school using various excuses (i.e., sick, tired, couldn’t sleep, etc.)

·         talked about quitting or dropping out

·         come home with alcohol or smoke on his/her breath or clothing

·         taken liquor, wine, or beer from adult supplies

·         been avoiding you  or any one else in the family

·         been in trouble with the law

Does your child show any physical symptoms:

·         more sensitivity to smell, touch or taste

·         extra large or small pupils

·         excessive giggling

·         disorientation

·         red eyes

·         excessive coughing

·         severe headaches

·         significant gain or loss of appetite

Be alert to these signs and symptoms.  Changes may occur over varying periods of time, from a few months to well over a year. If you don’t notice subtle changes, more blatant ones will begin to appear over time.  If your child is becoming drug dependent, you may notice any one or a combination of signs.  Children are often unaware that their changing behavior and attitudes are apparent.  Talk with your children about alcohol and drug use early.  Remember, prevention is our number one weapon against the war on drugs

What can parents do to prevent their children from using ATOD?

As a parent, you are the most important and influential role model in your child’s life.  Children who decide not to use alcohol or other drugs often make this decision because they have strong convictions against the use of these substances – convictions based on a value system.  According to research, when a child decides whether or not to use ATOD, a crucial consideration is “What will my parents think?”  It is of paramount importance that this system be in place early and that it is reinforced often.  Take advantage of daily opportunities to assimilate this moralistic knowledge into your child’s head.  Plan time for family togetherness, something that has shown marked decline in the past few decades.  For example, hold family meetings at a mutually-agreed upon time once a week.  Ground rules are important.  If children are resistant, get them to join in by giving them incentives such as having pizza at the meeting, or allowing them to stay up later.

                You should also take advantage of what are called “teachable moments”.  These are instances you and your child witness of everyday activity (positive or negative) where a value can be learned directly through this observation.  For instance, if you and your child see a group of teenagers drinking, take time to explain to your child why this is wrong and the harmful effects this can have on these youngsters.  Also, discuss the consequences of breaking the rules; that is, what the punishment will be and how it will be carried out.  The punishment you select should be reasonable and related to the violation.  Consistency is also key here.  Whatever punishment you settle on should not involve new penalties that you didn’t discuss before the rule was broken.  Another good tool to use is the daily newspaper headlines that involve drug use.  Point out the story’s full implications to the criminal, his family, and society as a whole.  On the positive note, if you see another child performing a good deed, don’t forget to explain to your child that what this other person did was virtuous and also that one can gain a feeling of elation by performing acts of kindness.

                Always let your children know how happy you are that they respect the rules of the household by praising them.  Emphasize the things your children do right instead of focusing on what’s wrong.  This is called empowering your children.  And if you’re afraid that your strict rules will alienate your children, don’t be.  They want you to show you care enough to lay down the law and to go to the trouble of enforcing it.  Rules about drugs also give them reasons to fall back on when they feel tempted to make bad decisions.

                Remember, children learn by example.  Although it is legal for adults to drink, indulging to the point of losing self-control sends the wrong message.  The same applies to reaching for a drink to remedy unhappiness or tension.  A child may even get the wrong idea when he is asked to get daddy a beer from the fridge.  If you use illegal drugs, it is self-deluding to imagine that your children don’t know or eventually won’t find out about it.  But what if you used as a teenager, and haven’t since?  What do you say to a child who poses this most difficult question?  It is important to be honest – but be careful.  Glorifying your past use only encourages your children to experiment with drugs and alcohol themselves.  Ask clarifying questions to make sure you understand exactly what a child is asking before answering questions about past drug use, and limit your response to that information.  Be sure to point out the negatives of your past use whether it be physical, familial, social, or legal.  Also, make it clear that if you knew then what you know now, that you would never had experimented with ATOD, and that you truly regret your former lifestyle.

                I can not stress how important honesty is to your children.  If you show your child that you’re ready to give answers at any time, even if the topics make you feel uncomfortable, you’ll forge an invaluable trusting relationship, and your child will feel comfortable coming to you with concerns because he or she knows you take her seriously.  Being a good listener also gives you insight into your child’s world.  Develop a curiosity in what your child's interests are, and what’s cool and what’s not and why. 

                During these routine conversations you can  bring up the topic of drugs and alcohol.  By ingraining this information in your children well before they are faced with making difficult choices, experts say they’ll be more likely to avoid ATOD.  In fact, teenagers who say they’ve learned a lot about the risks of drugs from their parents are much less likely to try marijuana than those who say they learned nothing from them.  This means that you don’t have to fear that by introducing the topic of drugs, you’re putting ideas into your children’s heads, any more than talking about traffic safety might make them jump out in front of a car.  You’re merely informing them about potential dangers in their environment so that when they’re confronted with them, they’ll know what to do.

                As you can see, you need to be fully involved in your child’s life.  Open a line of communication with your children.  Discuss the topic (and any controversial subject, for that matter) in a non-judgmental way.  If you hear something you don’t like, it is important to be patient, keep your cool, and not to cut off any further discussion.  Value your children’s opinion and allow them to make some of their own decisions (even if you believe they’re wrong – but not potentially harmful).  Convince your children that they are loved and valued.  High self-esteem leads to a decrease in risk-taking behaviors.

Here are some quick tips –

To help prepare your child for a drug free future:

Begin early:  Start talking with your child in grade school about the dangers of alcohol, tobacco, and other drug use.  There are even some things that can be done at the kindergarten level.

Listen:  Learn to listen to your child and try to understand your child’s concerns.

Nurture:  Help your child feel good about him or herself.  Help your child think of themselves as winners.  And know that they are never too big for a hug…even when they are grown.

Praise:  Praise your child for having the courage, strength, and determination not to use or be involved with ATOD.  Remind your child that the majority of kids don’t use.

Set:  Set a good example for your child.  What we do influences what our children do.  Neighbors, teachers and family all must join together to set a positive example.

Strengthen:  Help your child develop strong values.  Strengthen your child’s sense of being a part of something greater – your home, family, school, and community.

Assure:  Assure your child that he or she is not alone in dealing with peer pressure, and that you’ll be there for help, guidance and love.

Encourage:  Foster healthy, creative activities and encourage your children to tell you about their hopes and dreams.  Give your child solid guidance by setting boundaries and clear expectations.

Get Involved:  Team up with other parents.  Get involved with school, after school activities, Little League, Boy Scouts/Girl Scouts, etc. as often as possible.

Here are some ways you can create a better relationship with your child and help them address ATOD issues:

·         Start talking with your child in grade school about the dangers of ATOD use.

·         Learn the facts about drugs and alcohol, including new drugs, recent trends, and the various effects of each drug.  There are hundreds of websites to aid your research.

·         Let teens know that you disapprove of drug use and underage drinking and why.

·         Set rules and consequences for teen-age drinking, tobacco and drug use.

·         Do not serve alcohol to anyone underage, even if the amount seems miniscule.

·         Be sure that your child has a chaperone to his or her parties.

·         Call the host’s parents to ensure that parties your children are attending are being supervised and are alcohol free (even if it’s for older, legal adults).

·         Get involved in parent support groups.

·         If you do choose to drink, set a good example by limiting your own use and never use alcohol as a way of coping with problems.  Also, take the time to explain that it is legal for you to consume alcohol and explain to your children why this is.

·         If your teenager has a drinking or drug problem, seek professional help.  Up to 20 percent of all 14 – 17 year-olds have a serious alcohol problem.

Motivation Tips to Help Your Children Do Well at School:

·         Take time to read or play with your children daily.

·         Provide enrichment material such as children’s books, magazines, and educational toys.

·         Take time to sit down with your children.  Help them schedule homework into their daily routine and help them with organizational skills.

·         Reward good grades with recognition and praise…but try to avoid the temptation to use money as a bribe for good performance.

·         Value your children’s uniqueness and avoid comparing them to other children.

·         Limit the amount of television they watch so as it is not excessive.

·         Encourage creative thinking by asking youngsters for help solving problems that you may have.

·         Provide quiet, private workspaces that are well stocked with supplies where children can study.

10 Questions to Ask to Better Know Your Children:

1.       Who is your child’s best friend?

2.       What is your child’s biggest fear?

3.       What person outside of the family has most influenced your child’s life?

4.       What is your child’s most favorite and least favorite subjects at school?

5.       Of what accomplishments is your child the proudest?

6.       If you could buy your child anything in the world, what would be their first choice?

7.       What would your child like to be when he or she grows up?

8.       What is your child’s biggest complaint about the family?

9.       What gift from you does your child cherish most?

10.    What is your child’s favorite family occasion?

10 Steps to Help Your Pre-Teen Say No to Drugs:

1.       Talk with your child about ATOD

2.       Help your child develop strong values

3.       Be a good role model

4.       Help your pre-teen deal with peer pressure

5.       Team up with other parents

6.       Help your child feel good about him or herself

7.       Know what to do if you suspect a problem

8.       Encourage healthy, creative activities

9.       Make family policies that help your child say “No”

10.    Learn to really listen to your children and empathize with them

Why do children use ATOD and how can it be countered?

                To help or prevent our children from ATOD use it is important to understand why our kids use drugs in the first place.  Discernibly, a lot of parents might think that their child might have been pressured into taking drugs by peers or drug dealers.  This is usually why parents don’t accept the fact that their child would ever use drugs.  It’s called scapegoating – the theory being that if there is someone else to blame, you will.  This then displaces any responsibility that your child may have.  The fact is peer pressure, whether it be from close friends, respected peers, or even the neighborhood drug dealer, does not play as vital a role as what was once thought.  Children use drugs for a myriad of reasons.  Children may use ATOD for one of these reasons alone, or any combination of these reasons because they want to:

·         relieve boredom

·         feel good

·         forget their troubles and relax

·         have fun

·         satisfy their curiosity

·         take risks

·         ease their pain

·         feel grown-up

·         show their independence

·         belong to a specific group

·         look cool.

In summation the five basic reasons that kids use drugs are to relax and feel good, take risks and rebel, satisfy curiosity, fit in, and feel grown up.  Prevention begins before you know it, and this includes parents, teachers, coaches, and youth leaders to name a few.  As you well know by now, the first step is getting involved.  Parents should know their children better than anyone and are therefore in the best position to suggest healthy alternatives to doing drugs.  Obviously, things such as sports, clubs, music, and other after-school activities are good options.  These things not only keep teens active and interested, but they also bring your children closer to you as you help them practice and attend their games and performances.  And don’t overlook the value of other alternatives, like babysitting or tutoring to foster a positive sense of independence.  Another good example to appease the appetite of the risk-taker is to suggest rock-climbing or tae kwon do.

Unfortunately, the media also play a large role in influencing our children’s concepts, ideas, and trends.  Everywhere you look there is a subtle message to youngsters on how drug use and drinking are cool things to do.  TV characters living in wealth off of drug money; websites urging the legalization or decriminalization of marijuana; an overabundance of popular movie stars smoking in their latest films; or even a faddish song’s lyrics describing the thrill of drugs.  And it is this – magnifying the glamour of drugs while minimizing its downside – that is the major problem.  Certainly, the medium of television is not lying, per se, when it displays the glory of drug use – there are indeed positive effects of use.  However, by limiting the negative consequences of use, our children are only getting one side of the issue.

To combat these impressions put your television and computer in a communal area, if at all possible, so you can keep tabs on what your children are seeing.  Watch TV with them or explore the Internet with your children.  Anything disturbing can be turned into the aforementioned teachable moment.  And don’t be afraid to set guidelines for which shows, films, websites, and magazines are appropriate for your child.  Also, in much the same way, familiarize yourself with your children’s favorite radio stations, CD’s, and tapes.  A recent study found that listening to music is teenager’s favorite non-school activity, in which they devote three to four hours to it every day.

Here’s a little guide to help you deal with children who smoke marijuana that can be broadly applied to other drugs of abuse.  It explains why children smoke marijuana and what can be done to counteract use.

Kids use marijuana to feel grown up.

It is a known fact that children like to imitate adults.  This aping takes on many forms, including wearing their parent’s clothes, copying the way they speak, and acting out some of their behaviors.  It is innate for a child to want to be more mature.  This is because grownups have the freedom to say and do anything they want within the limits of the law.

The counteraction:

Allow your children room to grow, but be careful.  It’s been shown that the best style of parenting in terms of success as an adult is an authoritarian approach.  In a nutshell this means don’t be too loose and don’t be too strict.  As you can imagine, this is not the easiest thing in the world to do, but we now know that parenting is very trying and challenging.  Like we said, set rules but also allow your children to actively participate in important decisions.  In most cases when you let your children have increasing amounts of independence when they prove they can handle it, they are less likely to turn to alcohol and drugs.  You can also be a good role model for your children by pointing out examples of irresponsible drinking and drugging.  Use these incidences as a starting point for constructive dialogue around these issues (teachable moments).

Kids use marijuana to fit in and belong.

It is a child’s natural inclination to be liked by others.  Children may feel that by using alcohol and/or other drugs they will fit in better and become more popular at school.  Establishing a clear position on ATOD use is simply not enough to counterbalance all this pressure.  Children need a range of judgement skills to help deal with this pressure.

The counteraction:

Help your child deal with pressure and cope with stress.  Establish a strong bond between you, your children, and even their peers early.  Help your child understand how to act appropriately in social situations and teach him or her how to build solid relationships with non-using friends.  Additionally, act as a mentor to your child and set aside time that you can spend together.

Kids use marijuana to relax and feel good.

Increased violence and gangs, economic pressures, HIV/AIDS, perpetually changing family structures, and the “fast food” pace of the modern Internet generation all make it difficult for children to cope nowadays.  Add onto to this the easy accessibility of alcohol, drugs, and tobacco and you have a deadly amalgamation.  This may be why we have seen an upswing in substance abuse among youths of late.  Some of these kids think that using drugs will make them forget about their everyday stressors and problems.

The counteraction:

There are many things one can do to alleviate stress in their life.  Numerous books, magazines, pamphlets, etc. have been printed to aid in this process.  Help reduce stress in your child’s life.  Allow your children to express his or her feelings and concerns, without having to resort to violence.  Also, teach your children relaxation exercises like deep breathing and simple meditation.  As was noted, you can find  this help almost anywhere in today’s society.

Kids use marijuana to take risks and rebel.

If you remember growing up, you can surely recall the thrill of taking a risk.  Young people today take even more risks than most adults with their you-only-live-once attitude do.  Children need to learn this.  The fact is, kids and adults both need to acknowledge the consequences of risk-taking. 

The counteraction:

You can provide supportive parenting and “controlled risks” to counteract these tendencies.  Remember to let your children go camping or go to the skate park.  They can get their thrills from performing risky behaviors in these situations.  If you are warm and accepting of your child, you are less likely to raise children who use ATOD.

Kids use marijuana to satisfy curiosity.

Even when a parent has done an excellent job of educating and nurturing children, there are some kids who will retain an inclination of curiosity about drugs and alcohol.  They may seek this information from unreliable sources.

The counteraction:

Help your children get the facts.  Explain both the positives and negatives of drug use.  Be sure to stress the fact that ATOD are very addictive.  Point out any mistakes you or another family member may have made in the past, and use that as a learning device.  Also, explain if there is any family history or biological addiction that your child is even at risk at the experimentation level.  What may seem like curiosity initially, can develop into a serious personal and family destruction.  Videos and printed materials are available everywhere you look, including your local library, our office, hospitals, schools, and various places throughout the web.  Utilize these resources.

What can parents do to help children who are already using ATOD?

Now that you know what to look for as a parent, it is important to recognize these signs of possible drug use early so that you can attempt to cure a potential problem.  Don’t let denial or pride stand in the way of you getting help for your child.  Believing your child would never use drugs is a common misconception and a serious impasse to treatment.  Recognizing there is a problem is probably just as important as intervention.  For if the abuse continues to be unnoticed, ignored, or minimized for too long of a time, help may be inevitable.

If you do suspect a problem, you should voice your suspicions openly – avoiding direct attack or accusations – when he or she is sober or straight and you’re calm.  This may mean waiting until the next day if he or she comes home drunk from a party, or if they reek of marijuana or cigarette smoke.  Try to establish a base by asking what’s been going on in and out of school, and with the family and social arenas in general.  It is a good bet that your children aren’t using merely to spite you.  It is imperative to avoid self-blame.  In most cases there is something else going on that could be an underlying problem. 

If your children are reluctant to talk, enlist the help of others.  This includes the child’s guidance counselor, family physician, or even us.  Do not underestimate the importance of your child’s peers to his or her recovery.  For even if they are also using, they are usually very supportive of their friend’s recovery efforts.  A best friend can play a vital role in your child’s recovery.

When talking with your children about drug and alcohol concerns be sure to address the disease concept.  No one who begins using ATOD thinks he or she will become addicted.  Addiction is a disease that is characterized by compulsive drug-seeking behavior, regardless of the consequences.  Prolonged use of these addictive substances eventually changes the structure of the brain in fundamental and long-lasting ways.  This results in a disastrous circular pattern of the brain becoming more accommodating to drug craving and addiction.

Also, stress that whether or not someone becomes addicted involves many factors and it changes from individual to individual.  Certain genetic, socio-economic, and environmental risk factors make it more likely that certain individuals will become addicted to alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs.  These include:

·         children of alcoholics, who may have inherited genes that make them more prone to addiction;

·         sensation-seekers or natural risk-takers who may enjoy the novelty of the high;

·         children with psychological problems, such as conduct disorders and mood disorders, who use ATOD to self-medicate;

·         children with learning disabilities, physical and mental handicaps, and others who find it difficult to fit in or become frustrated learning;

·         children of poverty who lack access to opportunities to succeed and to the resources to use when there is a crisis.

For the first time ever there are preventative and intervention programs that have been proven to be effective and are available to schools, families, and communities.  Finding the proper treatment is, obviously, very important.  To find a good certified counselor ask your child’s doctor, other parents whose children have been treated for drug abuse, the hospital, a school social worker, or the county mental health society.  You can also call the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Center for Substance Abuse Treatment at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).

To do your part as a parent, first get as much information as you can about abuse, prevention, addiction, recovery, etc.  The more you know, the more prepared you will be if/when a problem does arise.  This will also increase your chances of a successful recovery for your child if he or she does become addicted.

Be sure to become actively involved in your child’s school policies involving alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs.  Learn about the school’s policy by asking someone in the administration.  The policy should specify what constitutes an offense (zero tolerance is the norm, and probably the best policy).  Have them spell out the consequences for failing to obey the rules, and describe procedures for handling violations.  Familiarize yourself with how drug education is being taught.  Inquire about the teacher’s credentials, trainings, experience, etc.  Ask your child to show you any materials distributed during or outside of class and review them together.  Finally, demand results of drug assessments (if your child’s school even conducts them).  Do not hesitate to request these materials.

The community can also play a crucial role in being drug-free.  An aggregate community is a good defense against drugs and alcohol.  Dealers tend to avoid neighborhoods in which the community stands united against them.  Here are ways you can demonstrate your commitment to reclaiming your streets:

·         Form a community patrol, block association, or Neighborhood Watch.   Members can take turns patrolling the streets and becoming aware of  suspicious activity, even going as far as recording license plate numbers of  vehicles cruising the area.

·         Increase two-way communication with the police by inviting them to community meetings and by keeping them informed about shady activities (this can be done anonymously).

·         Fill the streets with positive events like block parties, sports games, and other  affairs that display a strong, united showing to dealers.

·         Keep the streets clean and free of litter.  Call the city public works department if you need help in cleaning up.

·         Provide plenty of positive outlets for the energies of local youths.  This can  include the YMCA, the Lumina Center, community buildings, and even  schools and churches that can be used after hours.

Keep in mind that you are not the only parent going through this hardship.  Parents have no stronger ally in their fight against drug abuse than other parents.  Many find it useful to meet regularly in support of each other.  If you haven’t met many parents in your area with whom you can share anti-drug plans, you might want to contact a parent or community group with resources for parents.